It was the cold season. During December, there were piles of snow laying on the ground with many children playing snow ball fight. I stayed inside the house, enjoying the warm fire, the shimmering fire in the chimney that never fails to make the house nice and warm, sweet candles spread the sweet sense, making me, my son and my dearest husband to enjoy this peaceful day today. My son was in his father’s strong warm arms as he drank his hot coco; feeling safe in his father arms while I stared at the both of them with tears, staring at them makes me have flashbacks on how I met his father and how I fall in love with him so easily. Even though he was blind when I met him, I knew that if I marry him, I could take care of him as long as he’s willing to let me help him. As I stared at his manly, sharp jaw lines with those serious eyes of his, it made my heart flutter. I took a sip on my hot coco and gave my husband a kiss on the ford head as he smiled and smoothen his son hair. I walked to the kitchen and came back with a tray full of soft ginger cookies and placed it near the fire place.
“Mom, can you please give me one?” Our son Sung Chae asked politely with a cute smiled.
I took one and give it to him with a slight smiled. “Finish that cookie so you can be as strong as your father.” I patted his head and took a glance at my husband who just staring at the fire place with a smiled on, I wish he could see again, my husband started to be blind when he was 22, he got into a car accident and sadly couldn’t see again. “Yunho?, do you want a cookie too?” I asked with a soft voice.
His eyes moved. “Yes, please.” Yunho pulled out his hand out; waiting for the cookie.
I giggled and gave him one. “Here Yunho oppa.” I watch him eat his cookie, the way he eat his cookie was adorable, he slowly took a small bite on the cookie as his eyes were just staring at the fire; crumbs were falling down to his navy v neck Polo shirt.
“Mom, I’m tire.” Sung Chae suddenly whined and rubbed his eyes with a yawned.
I stood up and took him away from Yunho and walk upstairs. “I’ll be back honey.” I told him and wiped the crumbs that was on the side of his lips.
Yunho touched his lips with a smiled.”Come back soon.” He laughed and started to enjoy the fired.
After tucking in Sung Chae into his bed and turned on the night lights, I went back to where Yunho oppa were, he was throwing and ripping two album books with tears, he was furious about something as I slowly walk toward him without his notice and saw some page of him and a girl together; hugging each other like they have known each other for years and years, Yunho roughly ripped them as a picture flew to where my foot were as I queitly bend down and grabbed it with my slim long fingers, it was a picture of him kissing her on the cheek, I flip the picture to the back and found some written words on the back, I silently read and cried.
~Says in the back~
Me and Trainnie,
Love you with all my heart, always and forever yours , your lovely teddy bear Yunho!
Tears were forming constantly but I was careful to not make any sound or else I will get caught. He kept ripping until 3 or 4 flew on my foot again, and again I took it as I read the back with pains.The second one was Yunho oppa was naked and she seem to be taking the picture of him using the blanket to cover his naked body.It also has written words on the back, it says, “Making love with you was like I was in heaven, love your Trainnie” the words were disgusting, it disgust me that I crumbled the picture with angered, the third one was her hugging him on the back as he took the picture of the both of them, and again I read the back, it says, “Hugging you makes the world become brighter, I will always love you, your Trainnie girl.” I also crumbled that picture and looked at him with sharp,pain, and teary eyes, how come he hide all of these away from me, he doesn’t love me, he force to love me! I can’t believe him!, I was use like a toy, a toy that was forever use until it’s broken and throw it away.I softly wiped my tears away and found one lat picture that wasn’t rip, I lightly took it and saw him standing across from a grave stone with tears, I look on the back and found some sad words that he had written.
December 25, 2004
Trainnie funeral day, the last day I will ever see your beautiful face again, I’m glad that I’m blind because your the last girl I want to see Trainnie… my only true love.
I sadly stood up and placed it on the coffee table as I stared at the hurtful Yunho, I painfully looked away and lightly walked upstairs without taking a glance at Yunho this time, I was hurt, hurt of replacing Trainnie, I was just a toy for him to play.Yunho, if you only see Trainnie then I will no longer want to be with you, I will give you my eyes for you and as for me, I will forever close my eyes and will never see your cruel face again, that’s my promise for you, Yunho.
I sat on my office chair and took out a paper and a pen, I quickly wrote what I’ve thought and fold it.I took a glance at my watch and yawned. “9:30″ I quickly put on my smiled that I have always have on and went to our master room; finding Yunho was already on our bed.”Did you take a shower?” I asked; seeing him smiling toward me and patted on the empty place next to him, I walked over to him and lay next to him as my back was facing him.
Yunho grabbed my hand and squeeze it. “Yes, I’m a grow man.” Yunho stated out. “Where were you? you didn’t came after you took Sung Chae to sleep.” His husky voice ring through my ears as I chuckled.
“Ah about that, he wanted me to read him a story so I stay up there for a while.” I turned off the lights and shift toward him and stared at his face. “I turned off the lights, lets just go to sleep, I don’t feel like talking today.” I quickly close my eyes and doze off to a deep slumber.
Yunho frowned and close his eyes. ‘But I want to talk with you today, you just don’t know how much I love you after toying you’ He thought and soon fell asleep.
~The next day~
I walk through the long way side walk with piles of snows covering the grass as my shivering mouth were dried by the coldness, my eyes were shine with glittering tears as I tighten my strap from my lavender purse and went in Seoul hospital and request a appointment with Dr.Kim, he was one of Yunho best friend, he was a charming kind man, if I haven’t meet Yunho then I could of marry him instead of Yunho, Dr.Kim see me as a woman that he love not as a sister, but sadly I turn him down and married Yunho.
“I hope he accept my request.” I wiped away my tears and walked in to his office.
“Knock-knock!” I knock the wooden door.
“Who is it?” Dr.Kim asked.
I cleared my throat. “It’s me… Taru… Yunho oppa wife.”I could hear the door knob twist, the door open and revealed a very beautiful man staring at her with a welcome smiled.
I smiled back to him. “Can I come in?” I asked him as my index finger pointed to his office, he eagerly nodded his head and let me in.
I sat on a chair and played with my fingers. “What’s the request?” He asked.
My head shot up. “JaeJoong oppa, it’s a request that you won’t accept but please, for the sake of me.” I have tears in my eyes.
His charming face turn to be serious. “Are you… planning to k-” I cut him off.
“Yes, I’m going to give my eyes to Yunho oppa so he can have my eyes and see again.” I cried; feeling my tears dripping on my scarf.
“But Taru! I won’t let you and Yunho wouldn’t like that!” JaeJoong oppa shouted in disbelief of what I had just announced.
“He doesn’t love me JaeJoong oppa, he only love Trainnie and will always will.” I sobbed; feeling his hands wiping my tears away.
“Trainnie is now gone, he only loves you and no one else.” He comfort.
I rolled my eyes in disbelief. “So you know Trainnie too, why keep it all away from me?!” I was angery of how they all hide it away from me.
“If we tell you, you will be upset.” JaeJoong pointed out.
“Well now, I’m very upset and nothing can make my dark heart fill with glittery and sparkly again.” I sighed and walked to the door and took one last glance at him. “This is my last request from you and…. I regret for not falling in love with you… if I was to marry you, I wouldn’t be heart broken and we maybe having a wonderful life together.” It was my last words and last time seeing him as I bow and walked like a courage woman.
JaeJoong walked out from his office and watched her back disappeared, he sighed and shook his head, how come his best friend Yunho make the only one girl he love suffer like this?.
As I got out from the hospital my cell rung, I dig in my purse and grabbed the cell as I flip my cell and answer the call.
“Hello?” I answered. “Yes grandmother, I will come right away.” I hung up on her, grandma was a evil person, she hated me ever since I married Yunho, she doesn’t see me as his wife but as a stranger. I sighed in frustrated and walk to mother and father house.
Finally I have reach to my destination and ring the door bell with sweats dripping down to my chin, even though it was winter, my sweats were forming because of nervousness. The door finally open, I took a step and then kept walking until I reach to where grandma were, she was drinking tea; sitting on the sofa with her glasses on, she looked at me with those cold eyes and pointed to the sofa across from her.
“Sit” One word that could make you go under her spell and follow on what ever she told you to do. “Hmpff” She look the other way; not wanting to see me.
I cracked a smiled. “Ah grandma, you want to see me for…” I couldn’t think of what to say next.
“I want you to leave Yunho and my great grand son, the past 5 years, all I see is my grand son Yunho frowning, it seem like he doesn’t love you, he’s just using you like a toy, nothing else but a toy, my Yunho still love Trainnie and you can’t replace her!.” Grandma shouted at me as my tears started to drip down.
I sniffed and wiped my tears. “I’m sorry, I will leave soon, if I leave Yunho, he can have those cheerful smile again and he could enjoy his life without me.” I stood up and ran away from that house, the house I called nightmare.
I quickly ran out from the house and slow down, I took a taxi and went back to my house, where I see Sung Chae open the door and waved at me happily. “Mommy! hurry I want some fried beef!” Sung Chae shouted as I ran toward him and gave him a hugged.
“Okay, why all of a sudden?” I asked and rubbed his head.
He smiled widely. “Because daddy want some too.” He ran inside the house.
I watched him run “Sung Chae-ah, please forgive your silly mother this time… I’m sorry, I can’t be a good mother like you expected.” I walked in the house and found Yunho leaning on the cream wall with his walking stick; smiling at me.
“Did you go meet some guys?” He joke, his eyes were staring at the cream wall.
I glared at him, well what’s the use for glaring at him when he can’t even see how mad I am. “Yes, you got a problem?.” I walked pass him but his long strong arm reach to grab my small wrist with a frowned.
“I was just kidding, no need to be all mad.” He chuckled but I didn’t giggled or laughed.
I took his hand off my wrist. “I know you were playing around.” I was about to walk but he stop me once again.
“What’s wrong with you today?, so grumpy.” He did a face that I use to laugh whenever he use that face to cheer me up.
I soften. “Nothing, I just didn’t have enough sleep.” I lied and walked away as he follow behind.
“So your cooking those delicious beef for us?” Yunho asked.
I fake a smiled. “Yes, so go play with our son and I could have some peacful time cooking you delicious fried beef.” I pushed him to the living room.
“Okay-okay, no need to push.” He laughed and sat on the ground; smiling to his son who was too busy playing wars by himself.
I took a glance at the both of them and walked in the kitchen. “You’ll be happy without me Yunho oppa.” I mumbled and took out some green onions and cut it to some small see circles.
After making dinner, the three of us sat on our chair and quietly ate our dinner. ” Mommy, you have the best fried beef ever!.” Sung Chae claps his hands and shoved a spoonful of rice in his mouth.
I chuckled. “When your marry, try to find a good wife like your mommy so she could make you fried beef for you every single day.” I drank my water and took my plates in the sink.
“Okay mommy, I will, I promise you.” He happily announced.
Yunho finished his dinner and took Sung Chae small hand. “Lets go my son, you need to take a bath and go to sleep.” Sung Chae took his father hand and walk up stairs.
I laughed softly. “I hope you will Sung Chae.” I wash the dishes.
~ In their bedroom~
“Guess what oppa?” I did my happiest voice to him.
“What?” Yunho smiled.
I hugged him on the back and kissed him on the cheek as his hands squeeze my hands. “Your going to see for now on.”
His smiled turned to be a frowned. “Why?, I don’t want to see.” He told.
I rested my chin on his shoulder. “For the sake of me Yunho oppa, just do it… please.” I begged, just today at 7:32 p.m, I got a called from Dr.Kim that I can give my eyes to Yunho.
He sighed. “I guess, it’s for the sake of you… my lovely wife.” He kissed my hand. “When are we going to do the eyes surgery?” He asked.
“Tomorrow” I answered shortly and lightly unbutton his pajama shirt. “Lets make love one last time.” I kissed him on the lips as his hand travel down to my chest, that day was the last day of us making love and for now on, I will longer be his wife but a stranger.
“Yunho oppa, I will be right here.” I hold his hand.
He nodded and went in the emergency room while I change into those hospital clothes and went in the emergency room with him; staring at him who was already fallen asleep, I walk toward him and gave him a good bye kiss. “See you and our son in the future…” I walked to my side and lay on the small bed as the nurse putted the oxygen on me and soon I feel asleep; hoping to not see when I wake up but just darkness.
“Ready?” Dr.Kim putted on his glove.
“Ready” All the nurse and doctors said.
JaeJoong looked at Taru beautiful face with pain. “Your such a brave and caring woman, Yunho should appreciate you a lot.” JaeJoong took out a sharp tool and was ready to take her eyes and give it to Yunho.
My eyes fluttered as my head moved to the side, I was feeling pain every where especially my eyes. “Don’t move to much.” JaeJoong oppa informed.
I nodded my head even though I couldn’t see Dr.Kim.”Is he awake?” I asked him with a soft voice.
JaeJoong sated next to me. “He has been awake for an hour, he’s been asking where were you but I answer him that I saw you hanging yourself outside of the hospital.” JaeJoong sighed. “I feel guilty for lying, he’s been crying the past 2 hours.”
I chuckled. “Don’t, I should be the one.” My hands search for my purse. “Umm, JaeJoong oppa, can you give me my purse?” I asked.
He grabbed her purse and gave it to her. “Here” He handed it to her.
“Thanks” My hand went in my purse and took out a letter. “Give this to Yunho oppa and remember, I want to leave this hospital as soon as possible.” I told him.
He grabbed the letter and walked out from my room without any words.
“Under a shady tree, that’s where I’ll leave all my be love behind and start a new life.” I touched the wrap that was wrapped around my eyes.
~5 weeks later~
After the eye surgery,Yunho could see again, he was in the cemetery with a picture of him and Taru together when he was still blind, he cried from all the memories they have the past 6 years. “I was so stupid to use you, my Taru, now that your gone, who’s going to be with me and our son?, who’s going to cook me fried beef?, I love you so much and you just leave me like this?, I know that I have been doing wrong things toward you but why can’t you stay a little bit longer and I can show you how much I love you.” He cried and went on his knees. “WHY?!”He shouted with angered.
JaeJoong came right beside him and gave him a letter. “Here, Taru wrote it to you before she die.” His bitter voice shook the ground.
Yunho took the letter with trembling hands. “Thanks.” He sniffed and unfold the letter.
Dear Yunho oppa,
You use me like a piece of toy the past 5 years and I’m glad you did, I will never replace Trainnie and I’m sorry for not making you feel like I was Trainnie, I’m truthfully sorry, I want you to take care of our son like a father should be, make him the happiest son ever even if I the ‘mother’ is not here to see his smiling face, I also want to see you smile a lot because that’s what grandma wish for and I also.If the stars shines and the flowers blooms, remember that I’m here to watch over you two. I will be your everything…
Love your wife
Yunho cried as a picture of her and him with their new born baby, they were at a picnic and tress were shimmering by the shiny sun, flowers moved along with the winds, they look so happy together. Yunho flip the back of the picture and found some written words.
~The back says~
If I were no longer by your side, I will be your star
If I were the flowers that bloom days and night, I will freely let you take me out from the ground
If I were a tree that stays there, I will let your body lay under me
If I were the mountain, I will let you climb on me
If I were the snow, I will let you enjoy me
If I were the rain, I will let you watch me fall down on Earth
If I were…….. your wife again, I will…………….
Please take care of my eyes Yunho oppa, love my eyes as you love Trainnie, and I’ll take care of your eyes…..goodbye…
Yunho shook his head. “No it can’t be?” He didn’t believe that his wife gave her eyes to him. “Why Taru?” JaeJoong watched him cried as he looked p the sky.
‘Because she love you too much.’ JaeJoong thought; feeling lonely all of a sudden.
From afar, a woman with a walking stick in her hand leaning on a tree with a sad smiled on turned her heels and walked out from the lonely and tired cemetery as the strong wind brushed passed her; making her long silky black hair swift along with the wind, she slowly lift her head up high and stared at the blue sky, but in her eyes, she sees nothing but dark, the dark that leaves her nothing only loneliness. She blink her eyes and started to walk with her walking stick, she got out from the cemetery and chuckled. “I will always love you Yunho oppa, please take a good care of my eyes and our son…..” She mumbled and kept walking farther and farther.